Computer Game Avatars

So, I pop round and see a mate of mine and he’s got this new computer game that is just totally awesome or something. He says it’s got some brand new never experienced before co-operative mode and blah blah...do I want a game?

Sure, why not, I've got a spare couple of minutes. I grab a controller.

“We just need to set you up a profile first.”

What the fuck is this? Half hour spent faffing about whilst I dress a character, trying to work out how thick I want his eyebrows and how many buttons on his shirt. All I want to do is play the game not faff about with a bloody virtual Ken Doll like I'm Gok Wan or something. I mean, what’s the point? I don’t even spend half an hour grooming myself in the morning, and I’m in the real world! Why the fuck am I going to go to all that trouble picking a chin and a nose. If I wanted to do that I’d have bought a Mr Potato Head. Just let me play the sodding game!

“Right your profile is set now…”

Good, can we play now? Oh, guess what, I can’t really see my fucking character anyway, as it’s a first person shooter. What was the bloody point? I mean, the Wii Me stuff is meant be a bit of fun, but I just can’t stand people who are so completely anal as to make sure your onscreen representation is actually you, taking the best part of an hour to get the look 'right'. C'mon! I don’t sit down to monopoly and refuse to play until I've fashioned a miniature bust of myself out some silver or something. I might argue over who gets the old boot, but c’mon, just roll the six and get this game started! Life's too short! 

RANT!!!

Asda toilet paper

Asda’s own brand toilet paper is called ‘Shades’. Ahhh, what a nice soft sounding name, marketing must have spent ages working on that one. Remind me to send them a sample of their product after I’ve put my own ‘shade’ on it. Crap name, eedyots!

Welcome

Right, let's kick this off...I'm not one of these grumpy old men. I don't sit in a pub moaning at anybody who'll listen, complaining the air is too breathable and that the sky is too blue or any of that. I'm a well adjusted rational human being, which is what makes it so hard to live in a world with so many idiots. I'm surrounded by them. It's like a zombie plague. Everywhere I look there's another dumb idea. Another idiot. It drives me crazy.

The thing that burns me more than anything though is that nobody seems to understand. When I point out these prize winning idiots, I'm just laughed at. People don't get it. They can't understand why someone would get that upset about the branding of a certain toilet roll, or get so angry about the Daily Mail, or be that bothered about bagpipes. They think I'm trying to make some sort of humorous rant just to be funny. Well ha-bloody-ha. I'm not laughing. I feel like that bloke from Nathan Barley. We've not only seen the rise of the idiots, they appear to be winning. And unless common sense and rational thought prevails, we're doomed.

 Cue the ranting...